Edition #22 Acceptance vs. Tolerance, and the Welcome That Means It
A Weekly Missive from the Forest Fireside of Dr. Hermi... Tender of Lit Lanterns, Listener-in-Chief, Collector of Fortuitous Crumbs, Spinner of Fortunes Not Found in Cookies.
Dare to be different, and dare to welcome difference!
Edition #22 of the Hermit Hut Herald honors National Coming Out Day
with acceptance over tolerance and friendship with a spine. Try these today:
• Replace ‘Why’ with ‘Thank you’ when someone shares a truth.
• Say one sentence at the door of any room that names you clearly.
• Offer one signal of welcome in your space, visible and real.
Read the new edition, pass it to a friend, and tell me what you start noticing.
Grab a mug or a jug, kick back and read.
Share with friends. Subscribe if you haven’t already. New to the Herald? You have 21 other editions to catch up on! Now on Substack!
Today is National Coming Out Day. Bless every brave soul who says, here I am, and bless every friend who answers, good, stay.
Tolerance keeps people at the threshold; acceptance opens the door and sets another place at the table. Tolerance asks us to quiet our colors; acceptance says, shine, the room is better with you in it.
Friendship is not agreement; it is welcome with a spine. It is the steady practice of saying I see you, as you are, and I will walk beside you. Difference is not a problem to solve; it is a gift that keeps a community honest and alive. When we hide, a little oxygen leaves the room. When we come out, even in small ways, the air sweetens. Glitter optional, sincerity required. Twinkle permitted.
Dare of the day: admit one truth out loud, even a tiny one, then dare to share it with a trusted friend or family member. Offer one unqualified welcome to someone else. Refuse one habit of polite erasure.
NumeraLogic: 22 → 4, Building the Room for Diversity
In numerology, the number twenty-two is shared vision (2+2→4); four is structure you can trust. Together they say, make belonging visible. 22 is renowned for its potential to turn dreams and ambitions into concrete reality, earning it the title “Master Builder”.
The Master Builder work is this: Make belonging sturdy, and let individuality be bright. Twenty-two reaches toward four, not to square us off, but to build real furniture that holds many shapes. Four legs under a chair, many fabrics on the seat.
Craft rooms where people do not have to shrink to fit. Put chairs where real people sit. Label the shelves so no one has to guess if they are allowed in your sphere. Acceptance vs. tolerance.
Pocket Tools
Acceptance, Not Audit - When a friend shares something real, replace Why with Thank you. Try: Thank you for trusting me; how can I support you?
The Doorbell Test - Write one sentence you wish you could say at the door of any room, for example: My pronouns are…, I do not drink, I am grieving, I am queer and I am fine. Say it once today, softly to the mirror, kindly to a friend, or clearly in a safe space.
Four Corners of Belonging - Curiosity, Consent, Clarity, Care. Before a conversation, choose one corner to lean into; name it aloud if helpful.
Dr. Hermi’s Healing Tea of the Week
Cardamom and Orange Peel Welcome Tea - Warm the pot. Lightly crush 3 cardamom pods and a strip of orange peel. Add a small pinch of black tea or rooibos. Pour just off the boil water and steep 4 minutes.
Lantern Light
Acceptance is not a nod from the shadows, it is a lit porch, a chair pulled out, a name spoken right. Tolerance keeps people waiting out on the doorstep in the rain; acceptance opens the door wide and says, “come on in, there’s pie!”
Shine one small beacon today, say your truth kindly, learn a name, set another place at the table. Glitter optional, authenticity required.
Comment Corner (from Edition #21)
The three lanterns image sat me down like a friend. I did the practice and slept for the first time in weeks! - L., Vermont
NumeraLogic 21 to 3 helped me talk to my teen about balance. We made tea and actually listened to eachother for a change. - P.C., Manchester
Have a thought about Edition #22? Send a note or a comment and we may feature it here next time!
Ask the Virtual Hermit
Q: I keep writing goodbye letters in my head to people who are still alive. Is that normal or am I hexing my friendships? — Stalled in Salina
A: You are not hexing anyone. Goodbye letters in the mind are the brain’s way of rehearsing loss so it feels less out of control. Useful for survival, not so useful for friendship. Try this: Flip the letter. Write the goodbye on paper, then add a second paragraph that begins, “Since you are still here, I want you to know…” Send that second part as a text or a note. Name the fear, make a request. “I value our friendship; I get anxious when we go quiet; could we plan a check-in next week?” One touch today. A simple ping, a photo, a memory, not a thesis. Boundary check. If a goodbye keeps knocking, ask your gut, is there something I need to end or change for my own peace. If yes, make one specific boundary that you can keep. Deep Organ cue: Brain, “this is rehearsal, not prophecy.” Heart, “say the warm thing while you can.” Gut, “one action beats ten ruminations.”
Q: My father will not accept help, I am burning out. How do I honor his dignity and my limits at the same time? — Caretaker in Cork
A: Your father’s dignity matters, and so do your limits. Care that crushes the caregiver is not sustainable care. Offer choices, not ultimatums. “Would you like help with the shower in the morning, or after lunch.” Name your capacity. “I love you; I can be here Tuesdays and Fridays; I am arranging extra help the other days.” Separate decision and delivery. He chooses the shirt; the team you assemble delivers the care. Try this: The A or B script. Prepare two acceptable options; present them calmly; accept the choice. Circle of help. List three people or services; ask each for one concrete task, rides, meals, two hours of sitting. Respite on the calendar. Book a break like a medical appointment; protect it. Safety trumps preference. When risk is high, act first, explain with kindness after. Deep Organ cue: Brain, plan and delegate. Heart, stay warm without over-promising. Gut, say the limit before you cross it.
Q: My sister passed away a couple of years ago. I am forgetting the sound of her laugh and am in a panic. How do I keep her close without drowning? - Sparrow in Seattle
A: May every memory hold a blessing, Sparrow. Forgetting a laugh can feel like a whole other layer of grief. The panic is common. Memory returns when you give it more paths to travel. Try this: Build a Laugh Anchor. Write one short story that ends with her laugh. Read it out loud; let your mouth remember the shape of that sound. Sound collage. Ask two friends for voice notes that imitate her laugh or recall it; save them in one folder with her name. Body cue. Place a hand on your ribs and breathe until your own chuckle rises; borrow your body to escort the memory back. Everyday tether. One object, one scent, one song. Use them together for a two-minute visit, not a long dive. Deep Organ cue Brain, collect and label. Heart, let warmth rise without forcing it. Gut, leave while you are still okay; return tomorrow.
Got a question? Email, comment, or leave a message on Mr. Kiwi’s Underground Hotline beneath the Hermit Hut at
https://VirtualHermit.Love
Still needed: $850 to send the remaining 9 unsponsored Desire Kids back to school.
Each $100 sponsors one child’s current term (fees, uniforms, supplies; breakfast & lunch included by the school). Any amount helps, but we could really use some angel donors right now. The kids are falling way behind...
Give: PayPal: tinyurl.com/DesireSponsor • Venmo.com/henry-cameron-allen
Why now?: The term has long begun; momentum matters. Let’s move them from delay to desks, breakfasts, and bright mornings.
Gentle Reminders
Speak your beloved’s name aloud today. Your child, your partner, your friend, your dream, yourSelf.
Eat something warm with care. Or sip some Dr. Hermi tea!
If you need help, ask. If you have help to give, offer.
Around the Hearth — Upcoming Events
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WEEKLY SATURDAY MATINEE MOVIE CLUB at the New Folklore! — RSVP: https://luma.com/arcv743p
Hermi’s Digital Diner — Gentle tech basics, one‑on‑one or small pair. By appointment this week. Email: Hermi@VirtualHermit.Love
The Weekly FolkHeart Meeting needs readers for workshopping new works. Join us every Sunday at 4:30pm EST. No experience necessary. Plan for 3 hours. RSVP: https://luma.com/4tceb79j
NEW! The Sphere of the New Mystics with Valerie Kravette, Charel Morris, Jacqui ジャッキー McGinn, Byron Allen & Karilee Valeriano
Visit www.NewMystics.Love for more info.
Coming Soon: Lost Travelers Club SUPERGRIEF Circle — Biweekly Peregrine group support hour, Members Only. Message with interest: Henry-Cameron@LostTravelers.Club
Paid Memberships & Services
Write for more info: Hermi@VirtualHermit.org
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Sphere of the New Mystics — Studio‑lab where creative practice meets persoYiddish curses can have stinging consequences. Best used sparingly. Let the bee bring honeyed counter-blessings instead of the stings! Choose wisely.nal development. www.NewMystics.Love
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Acting, directing, voice mentoring/coaching/training. Open for anyone interested in building their skills.
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Yiddish Curse of the Week, with Counter‑Blessing
Curse:
Yiddish: זאָלסט וואַקסן ווי אַ ציבעלע, מיטן קאָפּ אין דער ערד. Phonetic (YIVO): Zolst vaksn vi a tsibele, mitn kop in der erd. English: May you grow like an onion, with your head in the ground.
Counter‑Blessing: Yiddish: זאָלסט וואַקסן ווי אַ בוים, מיט אַ ליכטיקן פּנים אין דער זון. Phonetic (YIVO): Zolst vaksn vi a boym, mit a likhtikn ponem in der zun English: May you grow like a tree, your bright face in the sun.
Final Feather 🪶
Lay your tools where you can reach them tomorrow. A soft cloth for tears, a hard truth sanded smooth, a lamp that remembers where you left off. We are building something livable together.
Under one lantern, Dr. Hermi- Virtual Hermit of GoBrunch — Tender of Lit Lanterns, Listener-in-Chief
BONUS Recipe of the Week
Mazel tov! You read the entire thing! Here’s your BONUS recipe of the week. From someone who sees you. Eat. Enjoy. Repeat.
